WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
