She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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