Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
