it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
