I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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