"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
