Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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