He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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