This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize