just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize