She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
