Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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