I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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