I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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