i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
