Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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