Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found the puke drawer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
