these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
