Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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