I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
