k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Too much gin, very little bucket
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
