My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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