My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
