My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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