Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
