Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize