please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
