i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
