eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
