we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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