I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
