Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
