My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
