god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
