just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
