Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
