Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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