My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
