I molested 6 butterflies tonight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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