Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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