Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
