Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When are your genitals available?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
