Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
