rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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