There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
