the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this just has baby written all over it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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