shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
