My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
