my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
being pregnant is like rehab
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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