I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
