I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
