and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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