i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
