Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
