Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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