Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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