a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
