One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
