Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
