remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
