Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
