it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
