Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize