i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
