I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
