Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
