When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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