My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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