Say something about gay babies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
