I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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