I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
