You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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