but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
