i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
