After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
