The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
